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Transcription:America's Most Tragic Home Videos
start with the "Bloopers!" title zooming up to us, and the Bloopers host comes into the shot to push it off-screen. Host: Is everyone ready for some hilarious home videos? (the audience laughs in approval) We here at Blooper Central ask you ''(points to us) to send in your tapes so we can produce this show for almost nothing. We '''thought' we'd seen nut shots and seniors fall down (collapses as he says this), but these ''tragedies kicked it up a notch. BAM! ''cut to a hobo out on the street that pushes a cart of junk next to a railroad. Host: 'Did I say, "BAM"? Let's hope for this guy's sake that I didn't! ''jeep with four teenagers in it drives up to the hobo. '''Girl in Front: What's that smell? Driver: Just move it, punk! Girl in Front: Is that some sort of a fart? Driver: Out of the way, old man! Boy in Back: Shave your head, damn it! Boys: Go! Woohoo! Boy in Back: Oh, we're going! teenagers back up to run over the hobo, but suddenly, a train quickly pushes them and the car down the tracks, killing the teenagers in the process. Hobo: 'Ha-ha-ha! That's what you get! ''just as suddenly, a bus zooms by and run over him, also killing him. Then we cut back to the host. 'Host: '''Well, they say you can't solve a homeless problem. (the audience laughs some more) Some problems can't be solved by sticking your nose into where it doesn't belong! ''walks closely to the camera as he says this, and we snap to another man that is trying to fix a lawnmower. '''Wife: (filming him) Honey, be careful. Man: Shut up! Wife: 'Maybe a ''mechanic could fix it better? 'Man: '''I can do it if you'd just shut up! ''few seconds later, their daughter comes into view, crying. '''Daughter: My mom's pregnant! Husband and Wife: (shocked) No! ''(we cut back to the host) '''Host: '''Hey, she told me she was on the pill... (the audience laughs again) ...at eighteen. Hidden camera can yield cherished memories... or incriminating evidence. (pulls out a tissue from his jacket) The only ex-factor is '''you!' next scene is of Robot Chicken co-head writer Douglas Goldstein about to have sex with his wife, setting up a camera to film them. Mrs. Goldstein: What are you doing, sweetie? Doug: Oh, nothing, nothing. (walks onto the bed and removes the blanket, revealing Mrs. Goldstein's breasts) You're ready? Mrs. Goldstein: 'Uh-huh. ''sighs in calmness and starts the sex, but suddenly gasps with pain in his private parts. '''Doug: Oh- oh, God! Oh, I- I'm sorry! Mrs. Goldstein: '(shocked and furious) You f***ing '''loser! '(slaps him on his cheeks, gets out of bed, shakes him by his shoulders, and pushes him back down) You have failed me as a boyfriend and have failed yourself as a ''man, ''Robot Chicken co-head writer Douglas Goldstein! (we cut back to the host again) '''Host: I'll bet you didn't see that coming; as a matter of fact, neither did she. ''(the audience laughs some more) This video was sent in by someone that found it in the woods. Let's watch! ''next shot is of Michael C. Williams from "The Blair Witch Project" running through the basement from the same movie as Heather Donahue films him from behind. Michael: Josh! Heather: '(totally panicking) Michael! '''Michael: '''I'm coming, Josh! ''camera dissolves to another part of the basement, where Michael continues to try and find Josh and Heather tries to catch up with him. 'Heather: '''Wait for me! Michael! Michael, wait for me! ''Michael! camera dissolves again to the end of the cave, where Heather starts to scream at the sight of Michael standing with his back turned to her. A few seconds later, she is stabbed in the back and falls over, dead. Then we cut back once more to the Bloopers host. 'Host: '''Rumor has that those kids were torn limb from limb. Sometimes, the best '''home '''videos can be taken away from home. ''he talks, a video plays of a motorcyclist that flies off of a cliff and drops into a flying helicopter's blades, killing him instantly, splattering his blood, and tearing his motorcycle apart. Then another video of some kids that ride spinning teacups at an amusement park plays; the boy in the red one looks more dizzy and sick as he swings by. He also covers his mouth to keep from vomiting. '''Host: Just watch these crazy vacation ''videos! ''the boy in the red cup can't hold it in anymore and vomits onto the three adults that are watching the kids. After that, we see two scuba divers in a shark-proof cage under the ocean. The left diver lets out a huge fart with green gas and the right one, in response, tries to pry the cage open to get out. The left diver laughs at the reaction, and then we snap to a woman that pushes her baby in a carriage on the same cliff where the motorcyclist was. However, she also falls down on the same helicopter's blades, which splatter her blood and kill her instantly along with her baby. Next, a double-Decker bus drives under a bridge; people that stand on the roof get their heads chopped of by its height, and one takes a few seconds to come back down. Lastly, a man gets into another helicopter, tries to fly it off of the cliff, and drops it onto the other one, resulting in a big explosion and killing him instantly. Then we pop back to the Bloopers host one last time. 'Host: '''That's all the time we shave for '''this '''episode, so come back next week for more hilarious home videos! ''audience claps in approval, and to close the episode, the host grabs a plastic bag and suffocates himself in it, making the audience laugh harder. Towards the end, he loses air in the bag and drops over, dead. Category:Transcriptions Uncompleted